Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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