Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
