Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize