Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
