the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
