This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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