i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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