he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
