The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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