i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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