Already got asked if we're dating
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
