Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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