Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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