I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize