so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
