May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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