Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
