fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
