this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
