and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
