people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
