cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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