found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
