he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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