I CAN MOONWALK!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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