i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
