she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize