I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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