Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
