I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
