shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
