Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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