I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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