My liver just broke up with me...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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