He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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