Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
