is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
