Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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