im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
