I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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