Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
