So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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