I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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