what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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