Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
