of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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