My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
