I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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