Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
