Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
