i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize