He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
