24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
