There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
