His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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