I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
