My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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