Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
