After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
