if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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