After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
