On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
