honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
