my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize