WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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