I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
