she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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