I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
