if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize