can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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