I'm really into asian looking animals
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Sext me about skeletons
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize