dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
