sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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