Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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